The Most Disgusting Sandwich


“Shut your blaspheming mouth!”

“You’re disgusting!”

“I can’t stand you and your opinions!”

“You’re an idiot!”

“The only time I use peanut butter is to trap mice, and that's it... “

These are just some of the charming opinions that were posted on my Facebook after I proclaimed on the radio show that the peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the most disgusting sandwich on the planet.

Wow, people - you’re so kind, and what’s up with the one about mice?


Anyway…. I’m sorry it’s just how I feel. It’s a texture thing for me I guess.  The thickness of the peanut butter mixed with the stale cold jelly/jam/preserves that you dig out from the back of your refrigerator - it all just becomes a mishmash of flavors that don’t belong in my belly. It’s a lazy meal and I have no use for it. The flavor sucks and the bread just falls apart. It’s trashy and that’s where it belongs. In the trash.

This particular abomination of a sandwich is reserved for starving college kids who can’t afford a decent meal and for children 10 and under - who just don’t know any better.

That’s it. It’s a child’s sandwich. Just thinking about this crappy concoction takes me back to elementary school lunches.  Sitting down in the school cafeteria expecting a delicious slice of leftover pizza from mom, but to my disappointment, cracking open my He-Man lunch box to find a nasty soggy greasy blob of bread with some sort of discolored ooze sticking to the inside of a Ziploc bag. After a couple of bites of that monstrosity - the appeal will forever be stained. Toss that junk into the trash and hit recess, it’s time for tetherball!

Maybe that’s why I hate it so much?

I did read a stat the other day that talked about how the average American will eat over 2000 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches by the time they graduate from high school. NO wonder by the time I became an adult I was sick of pounding these barf meals down my jelly hole - my pallet has become much more sophisticated now, and I’m turning my nose up to this American classic.

Another factor towards my hatred of this deplorable sandwich probably comes from some of my OCD tendencies. I like everything neat and tidy - in its place - lined up and looking good. The PBJ is a visual disaster, there is no way of making it look presentable. It’s a smeary, sloppy, ooey gooey mess that makes me wince every time a see one. I need nicely presented meats and cheeses on a fresh hoagie spaced evenly apart to satisfy my sandwich snobbery. 

I understand this is an unpopular opinion to have toward such an iconic dish - but it needs to be said. This is a stereotypical case of “looks like there’s more for you” - because I’m not backing down. The PB&J is a total puke fest, with or without crusts. 

Thank you.

Support my partners below - they are proud to donate 5% of each bag of coffee sold to the National Forest Foundation! #Colorado #Merica

Use promo code SHUTUP for 10% off