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Children's Hospital Benefit With Jeremy!

Join me, won’t you?

It’s a special event that I participate in every year at Children’s Hospital Colorado - my favorite time of year to give back to some very strong kids.

The 10th Annual Bad Does Good Car Show will be happening on Saturday, June 29th at Children’s Hospital Colorado - at their main Aurora campus - 13123 East 16th Ave, Aurora, Colorado 80045.

Here’s the deal:

Children’s Hospital treats over 500,000+ kids a year! As these kids come in and out for various treatments, they are able to visit the toy closets at the hospital and pick out a new toy to help ease fears and pain. As you can imagine - they go through A LOT of toys and this event helps restock those closets, and helps spread some much-needed smiles while these kids fight through some tough health battles!

So let’s load up those Hot-Rods, Jeeps, sports cars, trucks, and bikes with NEW toys for these kids! It’s a fun car show attached to a great cause. Deets below.

Deets:

Please arrive at the hospital / Lot 10 NO EARLIER than 8:00am

If you wish to park club cars together, plan to arrive together!

Parking/photos begin at 8am

Registration starts at 8am

Registration cut off is 10am

Kids judging is from 10-11am

Awards & drawings 11:45am-12:30pm

ENTRY FEE - NEW TOYS FOR THE KIDS!! MUST BE NEW!

Thank you for taking some time out of your weekend - see you there!

Link for more info >> 10th Annual Bad Does Good, Toy Drive & Car Show 2019

The Most Disgusting Sandwich

“Shut your blaspheming mouth!”

“You’re disgusting!”

“I can’t stand you and your opinions!”

“You’re an idiot!”

“The only time I use peanut butter is to trap mice, and that's it... “

These are just some of the charming opinions that were posted on my Facebook after I proclaimed on the radio show that the peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the most disgusting sandwich on the planet.

Wow, people - you’re so kind, and what’s up with the one about mice?

Anyway…. I’m sorry it’s just how I feel. It’s a texture thing for me I guess. The thickness of the peanut butter mixed with the stale cold jelly/jam/preserves that you dig out from the back of your refrigerator - it all just becomes a mishmash of flavors that don’t belong in my belly. It’s a lazy meal and I have no use for it. The flavor sucks and the bread just falls apart. It’s trashy and that’s where it belongs. In the trash.

This particular abomination of a sandwich is reserved for starving college kids who can’t afford a decent meal and for children 10 and under - who just don’t know any better.

That’s it. It’s a child’s sandwich. Just thinking about this crappy concoction takes me back to elementary school lunches. Sitting down in the school cafeteria expecting a delicious slice of leftover pizza from Mom, but to my disappointment, I cracked open my He-Man lunch box to find a nasty soggy greasy blob of bread with some sort of discolored ooze sticking to the inside of a Ziploc bag. After a couple of bites of that monstrosity - the appeal will forever be stained. Toss that junk into the trash and hit recess, it’s time for tetherball!

Maybe that’s why I hate it so much.

I did read a stat the other day that talked about how the average American will eat over 2000 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches by the time they graduate from high school. NO wonder by the time I became an adult I was sick of pounding these barf meals down my jelly hole - my pallet has become much more sophisticated now, and I’m turning my nose up to this American classic.

Another factor in my hatred of this deplorable sandwich probably comes from some of my OCD tendencies. I like everything neat and tidy - in its place - lined up and looking good. The PBJ is a visual disaster, there is no way of making it look presentable. It’s a smeary, sloppy, ooey gooey mess that makes me wince every time I see one. I need nicely presented meats and cheeses on a fresh hoagie spaced evenly apart to satisfy my sandwich snobbery.

I understand this is an unpopular opinion to have toward such an iconic dish - but it needs to be said. This is a stereotypical case of “looks like there’s more for you” - because I’m not backing down. The PB&J is a total puke fest, with or without crusts.

Thank you.

Champagne Showers

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed the other day and I stumbled on a video that was making the rounds here in Denver. The Mile High City was abuzz because our Denver Nuggets basketball team clinched a spot in the 2019 playoffs. The celebrations started online with pictures and tweets commemorating this wonderful accomplishment. One of most exciting videos was that of Nuggets head coach Michael Malone making his way into the locker room after the big win to fist bump his super tall team - and after a few celebratory words something happened that has always confused me.

Liquid celebrations.

The act of taking some sort of liquid and drenching your teammates with it like kids in the 90’s with a Super Soaker water gun - making a complete and total mess of your surroundings. Baptizing your teammates with bottles of water in the Nuggets case, or in most circumstances wasting hundreds of dollars on fancy champagne as you drench lockers, lights, and camera crews after the big win.

Like I said, it confuses the heck out of me as to why sports teams do this. I wouldn’t want to walk around all sticky for the rest of the afternoon and I can’t imagine the dollar amount for the damage caused by the moisture merriment. It’s a strange ritual in my opinion and although dumbfounded when I see it happen, deep down the Super Bowl champ inside me wants to be a part of it all!

I want to be a part of this ridiculous jubilee where I get to soak everyone and everything around me! I want to make a mess.

My sports days are behind me so it’s highly doubtful that winning some sort of athletic contest will lead me to this kind of celebration. So here’s my question: why is this only reserved for professional sports players? Why can’t we adopt this type of celebration in our everyday life?

Who’s with me? You don’t have to be a superstar in a locker room somewhere to have this much fun.

Your kid comes home with straight A’s - I say you surprise him with a blast in the face with a bottle of Hawaiian Punch! Your husband gets a big promotion at work - how about an Arbor Mist bath right there in the kitchen?!

Exciting right?

Or maybe you just saved 50 bucks at the grocery store by clipping coupons …girl it’s time to party! Gather the family around the living room for a juice box shower.

These pressure-washing parties should always be an option when celebrating milestones in our mundane lives - not just for these millionaire sports personalities. I guarantee your grandma is gonna love the purple Gatorade drenching on her 80th, and your sister who just announced she’s going Vegan better get ready for an almond milk enema because it’s time to let the liquid flow!

Honestly, do you ever see these sports dudes frowning when the Veuve Clicquot sprinklers start firing off? Nope, they always have a big cheesy smile plastered on their face and I want YOU to be smiling too. Join me won’t you, in embracing this idea. Grab a poncho and some Pommery - let’s warm up those wrists - shake that baby up and have a bubbly blowout right there at the DMV because they FINALLY called your number!

You in? Let’s get goofy.

The Early Bird Gets Lucky

I’m naturally a night owl - just the way I’m wired I guess. I like watching the late night talk shows, love getting work done when everyone is tucked into bed and it’s nice and quiet, and let’s be honest those gross IPA’s start tasting a little bit better after 11 pm.

Unfortunately, for the past 15 years it’s been hard for me to enjoy my natural circadian rhythm because of my job. Working morning radio shakes me awake at 3:30 AM and gives me a good slumber shove into the sheets at 8:30 at night. So basically this natural night owl has been forced into the early bird lifestyle. Tweet. Tweet.

I know you’re saying quit complaining Jer, you have one of the coolest jobs on the planet - but I assure you if you rocked this gig, you too would miss being able to make wishes on shooting stars every night as well.

The reason I bring all of this lamenting up is because I was pretty stoked to see a study that was just released for World Sleep Day touting all of the benefits of being an early riser! After giving the article a quick skim - I gotta say I’m ready to wipe the goo out of my eyes and start welcoming the sunrise with a better attitude.

Score one for this sleepy head!

Check this greatness out. According to this goofy study, early risers make more money than night owls - high-five bank account - AND they have better sex lives!

Bow-chicka-wow-wow!

We’re getting freaky deaky like 3 times a week…no WONDER I’m so tired. Ha!

When it comes to social media we use the dreaded Facebook more often - although I’m more of an Instagram guy - we’re more likely to be happily married, we’re clean, we’re organized, and we love to be physically active! #HeartHealty Check. Check. Check. Check.

(Although don’t get me started on the whole starting at a new gym issue again - check it out HERE if you missed that funny discussion.)

Finally, one of the biggest factors that stuck out to me in this study is that ante meridiem (AM) peeps are generally happier with their life. How about that?! Getting up early translates to a more positive outlook on your day and an uptick in general life satisfaction. Sacrificing late nights out and rising with the bunnies will add a little spring to your step, get you lucky (hopefully), make you a couple more extra bucks, and at the end of the day you’ll lay your head down on that pillow with a cheesy smile on your face. Guess those drowsy mornings might be worth it after all.

Check out the whole story HERE if you want to learn more, and happy World Sleep Day.

Dry Cupcakes with Excessive Frosting

My wife came home the other day after picking our kids up from school and she walked in the front door with a flabbergasted look on her face. Dropping all of their bags and lunchboxes on the floor, she held up a handful of envelopes. Looking at me she said, “You have got to be kidding me….four more!”

Horrified, I smashed my face into the pillows on the couch and screamed “NO NO NO!”

Four more birthday invitations from the kids at school. Dear GAWD no!

A couple of days prior our son came home with 3 other invites, and last month we had to go to 2 birthday parties. Add all of these wonderful party passes up and our weekends are suddenly being consumed with shindigs for goofy classmates that we’ve never even heard of. Parents, are you reading this nodding your heads because you’re experiencing the same frustration? The constant flow of colorful card stock inviting excited peers and annoyed parents to an afternoon of lukewarm pizza, and cupcakes with excessive frosting.

The invites that surprised me the most were the ones that were coming from our daughter's preschool friends. Tiny little 3 and 4-year-olds pining for attention at their Frozen-themed festivities - and yes they’re ALL Frozen-themed. All of them.

We’ve definitely noticed that birthday invites are starting to trend younger and younger. My guess is not at the request of the little pip-squeaks either, but rather Pinterest parents competing to outdo each other in the world of competitive celebrations. Gone are the days of waiting until your child is pencils deep into elementary school before group birthday parties start - nowadays parents get bombarded by bombastic bashes for little blobs that still poo their pants. Talk about excessive frosting.

Fun right?

And let’s talk cost - start adding up gifts for these sweet little angel children. Twenty bucks a pop seems to be the going rate for a gift (more if you want to look like the top parent at the party). Add that up over our kids‘ classes and you get roughly 35 gifts that we have to supply (be boo bop boo - math) you’re looking at $700 bucks a year to bestow presents to kids that your child probably doesn’t even like!

My buddy Dom from the radio show came up with a GREAT suggestion on how to alleviate some of the stress and headaches of having to go to so many of these delightful events. I’m totally on board with his recommendation, how about creating 2 massive birthday celebrations that encompass all of the students at once? One for spring and summer birthdays and then one later in the year for fall and winter babies. How great is that idea!? You’re able to knock out a huge chunk of kids all at once - then you’re only ruining two Saturdays a year instead of a couple of month’s worth. And the presents? Either cancel the gifts altogether or maybe adopt this “fiver party” idea that I’ve seen some news outlets covering. In lieu of material gifts, guests can bring five dollar bills to give to the birthday boy/girl. The child can then take their haul from the 10 kids they invited to their party and buy a $50 gift of their choosing - or save the money! The kids learn a little money management and there is far less stress on the gift giver and a whole lot less money spent on these joyous celebrations. Do you dig it?