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I Can’t Stop Spatchcocking!

SPATCHCOCK
Sappy

Have you been forced to read one of those goofy inspirational quotes at the end of somebody’s email signature - that preaches to you about delayed gratification? It goes something like, “The longer you wait for something, the more you’ll appreciate it when you get it. Because anything worth having is definitely worth the waiting.” Yadda yadda yadda….

Ya, it’s one of the longer quotes out there, and yep I’ve seen it more than a dozen times - and I really didn’t think twice about the message it was trying to convey. I’ve always been the type of person that hopped on Amazon and ordered whatever I wanted without really thinking about lighting my credit card up. Instant purchasing power and 2-day shipping is a wicked combination.

Despite my tendency to consistently hit submit my order, there was one purchase that I had been dragging my feet on for over 2 years - and I finally pulled the trigger.

Now I’m totally living that quote - I waited - I purchased - I’m giddy.

It was SO worth the wait!

For the longest time, I had been lusting for one of those pellet smoker grills that seem to be all the rage in the cooking community. I’d stop and look at them every time I was at Lowe’s or Cabela’s, much to my wife’s chagrin. I’d repeat all the benefits of owning one and cooking on it. I’d explain how it regulates the perfect temperature and making sure not to forget to highlight the included meat probe. I became the perfect pitchman to a random passersby in the store. I even think the guys at the Stock Show knew me by the first name because every year I’d wander into their booth and slowly run my hands over their meat furnaces.

I really wanted one.

CHicken

My inner circle of bro buddies purchased their own pellet grills and raved about how great the food was they had been cooking. Sending me daily #FoodPorn pics of brisket and chicken wings. All while I quietly debated on whether or not to spend the money on something that really was a WANT and not a NEED. I tucked some money back in an envelope that I had in my safe and every once in a while thumbed through the stack of 20’s wondering if my seductive smoker would be worth the wait and the money.

After patiently waiting all that time I can proudly say that with a resounding YES - it was totally worth the wait. I cook on it every night now - my food tastes better and cooking has become super fun! I spend hours on YouTube researching the perfect rubs and marinades. I’ve also discovered that I’m addicted to spatchcocking. I spend my afternoons dreaming of spatchcocking, wondering when I can spatchcock next.

I’ve become quite the spatchcocking pro!

Instagram groups are liking MY #FoodPorn pics now, and the grill company even followed me and showcased some of my meaty masterpieces on their account. I’m beaming with happiness right now, and I have to wonder if all this hullabaloo would have been non-existent if I had made the grill purchase spontaneously.

I’m all in on this embracing, waiting, and daydreaming lifestyle. So far it’s proving to be the more well-done way to go! 



Take a listen to a funny clip from the show where we discussed my love of spatchcocking!


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Hairy Head Holes

HHoles.PNG

I’m a few months shy of the big 4-0 and all of the sudden my nose holes have turned into tropical grottoes for dozens of new follicles. I was playing a little game of peekaboo with myself in the bathroom mirror the other day when I placed a single finger on the tip of my nose and gently pulled up. When what to my wondering eyes did appear but miniature hairs all up in here… what the HELL is happening? GOOD NIGHT - feelings of straight up disgust starting running through my mind!

How come NO ONE pointed this out to me - my wife, my mom, co workers?

Nope, not a peep - help your buddy Jer-Bear out! I’m having visions of turning into that creepy hairy dude in the office that everyone talks about. Do I whistle when I breathe and I haven’t noticed? How about inhabitants, what kind of creepy crawly things are able to call this forest home? Is nose lice a thing? Gross.

I’ve never logged onto my phone faster than at this moment. I quickly opened up my Amazon app and within 5 minutes had purchased the mac daddy of professional nose hair trimmers. This bad boy was going to get a workout in exactly 2 days - arriving before 8 pm. Thanks Prime!

Below you’ll find the product review of my tiny little man machine - and I think you’ll enjoy the end result. Stick around until the end to see how this weed wacker performed. And ladies, if you have a man in your life that is starting to grow giant sequoias in his face holes - TELL HIM, we don’t want you looking at that mess.


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