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Champagne Showers

Champagne Showers

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed the other day and I stumbled on a video that was making the rounds here in Denver. The Mile High City was abuzz because our Denver Nuggets basketball team clinched a spot in the 2019 playoffs. The celebrations started online with pictures and tweets commemorating this wonderful accomplishment.  One of most exciting videos was that of Nuggets head coach Michael Malone making his way into the locker room after the big win to fist bump his super tall team - and after a few celebratory words something happened that has always confused me.

Liquid celebrations.

The act of taking some sort of liquid and drenching your teammates with it like kids in the 90’s with a Super Soaker water gun - making a complete and total mess of your surroundings. Baptizing your teammates with bottles of water in the Nuggets case, or in most circumstances wasting hundreds of dollars on fancy champagne as you drench lockers, lights, and camera crews after the big win.

Champagne Box

Like I said, it confuses the heck out of me as to why sports teams do this. I wouldn’t want to walk around all sticky for the rest of the afternoon and I can’t imagine the dollar amount for the damage caused by the moisture merriment. It’s a strange ritual in my opinion and although dumbfounded when I see it happen, deep down the Super Bowl champ inside me wants to be a part of it all!

I want to be a part of this ridiculous jubilee where I get to soak everyone and everything around me! I want to make a mess.

My sports days are behind me so it’s highly doubtful that winning some sort of athletic contest will lead me to this kind of celebration. So here’s my question: why is this only reserved for professional sports players? Why can’t we adopt this type of celebration in our everyday life?

Who’s with me? You don’t have to be a superstar in a locker room somewhere to have this much fun.

Your kid comes home with straight A’s - I say you surprise him with a blast in the face with a bottle of Hawaiian Punch! Your husband gets a big promotion at work - how about an Arbor Mist bath right there in the kitchen! 

Exciting right?

Or maybe you just saved 50 bucks at the grocery store by clipping coupons …girl it’s time to party! Gather the family around the living room for a juice box shower.

These pressure washing parties should always be an option when celebrating milestones in our mundane lives - not just for these millionaire sports personalities. I guarantee you grandma is gonna love the purple Gatorade drenching on her 80th, and your sister that just announced she’s going Vegan better get ready for an almond milk enema, because it’s time to let the liquid flow!

Honestly, do you ever see these sports dudes frowning when the Veuve Clicquot sprinklers start firing off. Nope, they always have a big cheesy smile plastered on their face and I want YOU to be smiling too. Join me won’t you, in embracing this idea. Grab a poncho and some Pommery - let’s warm up those wrists - shake that baby up and have a bubbly blowout right there at the DMV because they FINALLY called your number!

You in? Let’s get goofy.


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The Early Bird Gets Lucky

Early Bird

I’m naturally a night owl - just the way I’m wired I guess. I like watching the late night talk shows, love getting work done when everyone is tucked into bed and it’s nice and quiet, and let’s be honest those gross IPA’s start tasting a little bit better after 11 pm.

Unfortunately, for the past 15 years it’s been hard for me to enjoy my natural circadian rhythm because of my job. Working morning radio shakes me awake at 3:30 AM and gives me a good slumber shove into the sheets at 8:30 at night. So basically this natural night owl has been forced into the early bird lifestyle. Tweet. Tweet.

I know you’re saying quit complaining Jer, you have one of the coolest jobs on the planet - but I assure you if you rocked this gig, you too would miss being able to make wishes on shooting stars every night as well.

The reason I bring all of this lamenting up is because I was pretty stoked to see a study that was just released for World Sleep Day touting all of the benefits of being an early riser! After giving the article a quick skim - I gotta say I’m ready to wipe the goo out of my eyes and start welcoming the sunrise with a better attitude.

Score one for this sleepy head!

Feet

Check this greatness out. According to this goofy study, early risers make more money than night owls - high five bank account - AND they have better sex lives!

Bow-chicka-wow-wow!

We’re getting freaky deaky like 3 times a week…no WONDER I’m so tired. Ha!

When it comes to social media we use the dreaded Facebook more often - although I’m more of an Instagram guy - we’re more likely to be happily married, we’re clean, we’re organized, and we love to be physically active! #HeartHealty Check. Check. Check. Check.

(Although don’t get me started on the whole starting at a new gym issue again - check it out HERE if you missed that funny discussion.)

Finally, one of the biggest factors that stuck out to me in this study is that ante meridiem (AM) peeps are generally happier with their life. How about that?! Getting up early translates to a more positive outlook to your day and an uptick in general life satisfaction. Sacrificing late nights out and rising with the bunnies will add a little spring to your step, get you lucky (hopefully), make you a couple more extra bucks, and at the end of the day you’ll lay your head down on that pillow with a cheesy smile on your face. Guess those drowsy mornings might be worth it after all.

Check out the whole story HERE if you want to learn more, and happy World Sleep Day.


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Dry Cupcakes with Excessive Frosting

IMG_9931.PNG

My wife came home the other day after picking our kids up from school and she walked in the front door with a flabbergasted look on her face. Dropping all of their bags and lunchboxes on the floor, she held up a handful of envelopes. Looking at me she said, “You have got to be kidding me….four more!”

Horrified, I smashed my face into the pillows on the couch and screamed “NO NO NO!” 

Four more birthday invitations from the kids at school. Dear GAWD no!

A couple of days prior our son came home with 3 other invites, and last month we had to go to 2 birthday parties. Add all of these wonderful party passes up and our weekends are suddenly being consumed with shindigs for goofy classmates that we’ve never even heard of. Parents, are you reading this nodding your heads because you’re experiencing the same frustration? The constant flow of colorful card stock inviting excited peers and annoyed parents to an afternoon of luke-warm pizza, and cupcakes with excessive frosting.

Invites

The invites that are surprising me the most are the ones that are coming from our daughter's pre-school friends. Tiny little 3 and 4 years olds pining for attention at their Frozen themed festivities - and yes they’re ALL Frozen themed. All of them.

We’ve definitely noticed that birthday invites are starting to trend younger and younger.  My guess is not at the request of the little pip-squeaks either, but rather Pinterest parents competing to outdo each other in the world of competitive celebrations. Gone are the days of waiting until your child is pencils deep into elementary school before group birthday parties start - nowadays parents get bombarded by bombastic bashes for little blobs that still poo their pants. Talk about excessive frosting.

Fun right?

And let’s talk cost - start adding up gifts for these sweet little angel children.  Twenty bucks a pop seems to be the going rate for a gift (more if you want to look like the top parent at the party). Add that up over our kids 2 classes and you get roughly 35 gifts that we have to supply (be boo bop boo - math) you’re looking at $700 bucks a year to bestow presents to kids that your child probably doesn’t even like!

My buddy Dom from the radio show came up with a GREAT suggestion on how to alleviate some of the stress and headaches of having to go to so many of these delightful events. I’m totally on board with his recommendation, how about creating 2 massive birthday celebrations that encompass all of the students at once? One for spring and summer birthdays and then one later in the year for fall and winter babies. How great is that idea!? You’re able to knock out a huge chunk of kids all at once - then you’re only ruining two Saturdays a year instead of a couple months worth. And the presents? Either cancel the gifts altogether or maybe adopt this “fiver party” idea that I’ve seen some news outlets covering. In lieu of material gifts, guests can bring five dollar bills to give to the birthday boy/girl. The child can then take their haul from the 10 kids they invited to their party and buy a $50 gift of their choosing - or save the money! The kids learn a little money management and there is far less stress on the gift giver and a whole lot less money spent on these joyous celebrations. You dig it?


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Give This Student An Award

Student Award

I reached into my ridiculously tight skinny jeans a couple of hours ago and pulled out my dated 6S that was buzzing like a hive of bees - I spotted a text coming in from a buddy of mine that I hadn’t talked to in awhile. His name is Chad and he’s the Art Director at a middle school out in the Highlands Ranch area. American Academy - Lincoln Meadows to be exact - great school - great people! We went back and forth with a handful of cordial salutations consisting of “hey how have you been” and “we need to catch up”… yadda yadda yadda. Then, at about 6 messages deep, he surprised me with an image from what he calls “my biggest fan.”

Backstory: Chad has a student in his 6th grade art class named Emily. She was assigned the task of creating a piece of art based off a drawing rubric that he had created in an effort to challenge Emily to demonstrate her mastery of wicked good pencil skills. Encouraging her to focus on key components like coming up with an idea, working on composition, perfecting shading, and focusing on details and craftsmanship. You know, fancy art lingo type stuff that most people would probably just call “doodling”. From there, Emily’s job was to then take a real world person that inspires her and brings her joy - and turn that person into a lovely drawing that could then be displayed for the whole school to see. Chad left it completely up to his student to pick anyone she would like.

Text message #6 was an image that brought the biggest smile to my face. “Check this out, you’ll get a kick out of this!” Chad said.

Sweet little Emily had chosen ME to be the subject of her drawing. How cute is that, right?! Chad explained to me that she picked my goofy mug because she loves listening to me every morning on the show and that I make her family crack up on a daily basis. The drawing was displayed proudly in the halls of the school with a little Mix 100 shout-out scribbled in the corner. What a fun project and what a sweet gesture from this 6th grader - I’m truly flattered. I’m planning on making a little trip down to the school soon to meet Emily and her class and to thank her personally for her amazing work. I just hope that my buddy Chad gives this girl and A+ on the project and some sort of 1st place ribbon. She has definitely mastered her drawing techniques - I mean just look at the details of my giant teeth!


If you’d like to enjoy additional artwork from the students at American Academy - Lincoln Meadows click HERE. Talented kids!


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Stop Calling Me "SIR"

SIR

I guess I’m either really uncomfortable with aging or I’m just deep down NOT a morning person – but the security guard in our building has me super irritated lately. It all comes down to one word… “SIR” and it’s not sitting well with me. I’ve always been under the impression that using that title was reserved for a man with years and years and YEARS of life experience or a man that has held a position of great prestige or respect. You know, police officers, doctors, firefighters, Sean Connery.

Someone with some sort of authority – not a goofy radio dude wandering into the radio studio with crusty goo still in his eye.

Before you freak out on me - I understand that “sir” is a term of endearment and used for general social politeness aka – social lubricant – BUT it’s not for me. It makes me feel old and super awkward. Would it be acceptable for me to tell Paul Blart to stop calling me that or do I just go with the flow and politely nod as I saunter past the security desk?

Turned out to be a pretty funny discussion on the Dom and Jeremy show – especially when it came to alternate ideas on what we should call guys - take a listen.