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My Wife Has A Gas Problem

Gas Problem

My wife - I love her, I really do. Mostly because she keeps THIS goofy dude in line. I give her mad props for dealing with all of my annoying behaviors, weird smells, and my tendency to spend way too much money on guy gadgets that I’m lusting after. Interrogations about Cabela’s and Amazon purchases on the credit card are fairly typical occurrences at my house - I usually just play dumb and then run and hide in the basement.

My latest purchase - that didn’t go over very well. #PitBoss

My latest purchase - that didn’t go over very well. #PitBoss

(If you want hear more about my spending issues check out the “Marriage Quid Pro Quo” podcast from the morning show - it’s pretty funny! Click HERE)

She also hates it when I don’t clean the microwave after something explodes, my hoodies are always on the floor, and crumbs on the coffee table, ya - those aren’t mine.

In addition to some of my idiosyncrasies, she blames me all the ding-dang time for having “man-vision” around the house. You know what I’m talking about - I’m looking in the cupboard for the peanut butter searching searching searching - I can’t find it! Frustrated I yell out “where is the PEANUT BUTTER?!” She calmly walks over and takes a quick look on the second shelf of the cupboard and BOOM pulls out the giant tub of deliciously creamy JIFF. Turning slowly in my direction, she shoots me a glare and walks away. Whoops, that’s embarrassing.

Needless to say she puts up with a lot from me, but it’s time to turn the tables on my smooth skinned lover. Yep, I admit I have a few minor irritations that she has to put up with, but they all pale in comparison to the ONE BIG annoyance that I’m sick of dealing with.

Honey we need to talk…why is it that you NEVER fill up your car with gas?

EVER!!

This is a gas pump. Use this device to put gas in your vehicle. It’s very simple to use.

This is a gas pump. Use this device to put gas in your vehicle. It’s very simple to use.

Dudes that are skimming this post - are you with me? Does the wonderful woman in your life neglect her parched vehicle and just cruise by every gas station?

Survey says? YES!

I’ve asked some of my other friends and it seems to be an epidemic. None of their wives or girlfriends fill up either! Thirsty gas tanks all around the country are being neglected due to a blatant disregard of that little needle on your dash - pointing directly to the giant E. Is it laziness or is she just not familiar with how an automobile works? “Oh so that’s what that little door on the side of my car is for…”

I was always taught to never get below a quarter tank just in case you have to leave in an emergency. Maybe you’ll get stuck in a traffic jam and you have to idle for awhile, or what if you get stuck in one of our Colorado snow storms? You want that baby full - you’ll need that petroleum power!

I’ll tell you when it gets super annoying is on the weekends when we load up the family to head out for some fun and errands and I look down to see her gas light on. Why can’t she just fill up Friday after work on her way home? It takes about 10 mins of your time and it would avoid our weekly driveway argument - I’m sure our nosy neighbors would appreciate the quiet.

Maybe I’m over reacting, or maybe I’m an enabler because I’ll go fill it up for her when it’s low - because I’m a gentlemen. I think she’s set in her ways and I might have to chalk this up to one of life’s big mysteries.

I just wish that one of these times when I go out to use her car, I fire it up to find that needle pointing to the F. Which in this case would not mean “FULL” but instead, “FINALLY!”


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