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PowerPoint Presents

Alright, listen up, my merry little crew of kiddos! Are you looking to UP your present game this holiday season?

Forget about those ancient pieces of paper you've been scribbling your Christmas lists on. Those are SO 1990.

We're about to take it to a whole new level of present awesomeness this year.

Brace yourselves for the magical world of Christmas list POWERPOINT presentations. You’re about to blow your parents' minds with the coolest slideshows this side of the North Pole.

Picture this: you strut into the living room, your parents giddy with anticipation. The lights dim, the screen flickers to life, and voila! Behold your greedy holiday masterpiece. Your spectacular gifts are all showcased in the most organized, and visually stunning way possible. Move over, Picasso, there's a new artist in town, and they rock at creating cunning Christmas presentations.

Hold onto your reindeer butts, because we're about to add an additional sprinkle of pure genius to this already fantastic idea. Don’t just stop with the fancy slides - oh no, we're taking this to a whole new level. You’re going to also include links to everything you want! Make it as easy as one-click purchasing for your parents to fulfill all of your wildest Christmas dreams. Cue the mind-blown emoji! BOOM!

I know what you're thinking, kids. This isn't exactly a revolutionary idea. Some tech nerd went viral last year with their PowerPoint wish list and raked in more loot than a pirate at a treasure convention. But guess what? This brilliant plan is gaining even more popularity this year.

Why, you ask?

Because more and more people have smart TVs that can connect to phones and computers. This means you can cast your presentation onto a majestic 85-inch screen, making your Ninja Turtle and Barbie aspirations larger than life and in full HD.

Your parents are about to be gobsmacked by your cutting-edge tech-savviness. We know they can barely figure out how to work the toaster, let alone create a PowerPoint presentation. When they see your genius at work, they'll be so impressed with you that they won't be able to resist showering you with piles of gifts on Christmas morning.

Ka-ching! You've just hit the jolly jackpot, my little gift-hungry comrades.

Now GO! Don’t wait any longer - get your presentations started today and HO HO HOld on tight! The clock is ticking, and you've got what it takes to deliver stellar presentations that will punch your parents right in the nutcracker! Good luck.

Photo Credit: Jeremy P

3 Step Peanut Butter & Banana Cookies

There was an article that was recently posted talking about all the new skills and hobbies that people are giving a try during our quarantine orders. Things, like learning yoga and mastering a second language, made the list. Learning a musical instrument, and expanding your online college education were also big contenders. It turns out though, the number one thing on our minds right now - is EATING. At the very top of the list was cooking and baking! With restaurants closed and take-out still feeling a little too risky, people are cracking open those pantries and combining ingredients to make something delicious of their own.

If you’re new to the baking scene, here is a simple recipe for a little feel-good treat that you can create for your family. After posting a picture of these cookies on my Facebook page - there was an outcry for the instructions to create these bite-size stress busters. Here ya go friends - have some fun with your kiddos - and enjoy!

Ingredients:

Cooking spray

1 egg

1 cup peanut butter

½ cup plain instant oats

1 medium banana

¼ cup white sugar

¼ cup semisweet chocolate chips

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

Step 1

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees and hose down a baking sheet with some cooking spray

Step 2

Beat one egg in a bowl and add peanut butter, oats, sugar, chocolate chips, banana, and vanilla extract. Make 1-inch balls of dough and place them on that greasy baking sheet - then slightly press those balls down using a spoon.

Step 3

Toss that baking sheet into the oven for 9 to 12 minutes. The cookies will look slightly raw - don't be fooled. They're done. Let them cool down for 10 minutes before pigging out.

The original recipe can be found at allrecipes.com

Did you enjoy this post? Do you enjoy listening to me on the radio? Show your gratitude by buying me a cup of coffee. Your thoughtful gesture of caffeinated goodness will keep me alert and full of sass. Your generosity means the world to me. Let's forge a friendship that lasts a lifetime!

Children's Hospital Benefit With Jeremy!

Join me, won’t you?

It’s a special event that I participate in every year at Children’s Hospital Colorado - my favorite time of year to give back to some very strong kids.

The 10th Annual Bad Does Good Car Show will be happening on Saturday, June 29th at Children’s Hospital Colorado - at their main Aurora campus - 13123 East 16th Ave, Aurora, Colorado 80045.

Here’s the deal:

Children’s Hospital treats over 500,000+ kids a year! As these kids come in and out for various treatments, they are able to visit the toy closets at the hospital and pick out a new toy to help ease fears and pain. As you can imagine - they go through A LOT of toys and this event helps restock those closets, and helps spread some much-needed smiles while these kids fight through some tough health battles!

So let’s load up those Hot-Rods, Jeeps, sports cars, trucks, and bikes with NEW toys for these kids! It’s a fun car show attached to a great cause. Deets below.

Deets:

Please arrive at the hospital / Lot 10 NO EARLIER than 8:00am

If you wish to park club cars together, plan to arrive together!

Parking/photos begin at 8am

Registration starts at 8am

Registration cut off is 10am

Kids judging is from 10-11am

Awards & drawings 11:45am-12:30pm

ENTRY FEE - NEW TOYS FOR THE KIDS!! MUST BE NEW!

Thank you for taking some time out of your weekend - see you there!

Link for more info >> 10th Annual Bad Does Good, Toy Drive & Car Show 2019

The Most Disgusting Sandwich

“Shut your blaspheming mouth!”

“You’re disgusting!”

“I can’t stand you and your opinions!”

“You’re an idiot!”

“The only time I use peanut butter is to trap mice, and that's it... “

These are just some of the charming opinions that were posted on my Facebook after I proclaimed on the radio show that the peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the most disgusting sandwich on the planet.

Wow, people - you’re so kind, and what’s up with the one about mice?

Anyway…. I’m sorry it’s just how I feel. It’s a texture thing for me I guess. The thickness of the peanut butter mixed with the stale cold jelly/jam/preserves that you dig out from the back of your refrigerator - it all just becomes a mishmash of flavors that don’t belong in my belly. It’s a lazy meal and I have no use for it. The flavor sucks and the bread just falls apart. It’s trashy and that’s where it belongs. In the trash.

This particular abomination of a sandwich is reserved for starving college kids who can’t afford a decent meal and for children 10 and under - who just don’t know any better.

That’s it. It’s a child’s sandwich. Just thinking about this crappy concoction takes me back to elementary school lunches. Sitting down in the school cafeteria expecting a delicious slice of leftover pizza from Mom, but to my disappointment, I cracked open my He-Man lunch box to find a nasty soggy greasy blob of bread with some sort of discolored ooze sticking to the inside of a Ziploc bag. After a couple of bites of that monstrosity - the appeal will forever be stained. Toss that junk into the trash and hit recess, it’s time for tetherball!

Maybe that’s why I hate it so much.

I did read a stat the other day that talked about how the average American will eat over 2000 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches by the time they graduate from high school. NO wonder by the time I became an adult I was sick of pounding these barf meals down my jelly hole - my pallet has become much more sophisticated now, and I’m turning my nose up to this American classic.

Another factor in my hatred of this deplorable sandwich probably comes from some of my OCD tendencies. I like everything neat and tidy - in its place - lined up and looking good. The PBJ is a visual disaster, there is no way of making it look presentable. It’s a smeary, sloppy, ooey gooey mess that makes me wince every time I see one. I need nicely presented meats and cheeses on a fresh hoagie spaced evenly apart to satisfy my sandwich snobbery.

I understand this is an unpopular opinion to have toward such an iconic dish - but it needs to be said. This is a stereotypical case of “looks like there’s more for you” - because I’m not backing down. The PB&J is a total puke fest, with or without crusts.

Thank you.

Champagne Showers

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed the other day and I stumbled on a video that was making the rounds here in Denver. The Mile High City was abuzz because our Denver Nuggets basketball team clinched a spot in the 2019 playoffs. The celebrations started online with pictures and tweets commemorating this wonderful accomplishment. One of most exciting videos was that of Nuggets head coach Michael Malone making his way into the locker room after the big win to fist bump his super tall team - and after a few celebratory words something happened that has always confused me.

Liquid celebrations.

The act of taking some sort of liquid and drenching your teammates with it like kids in the 90’s with a Super Soaker water gun - making a complete and total mess of your surroundings. Baptizing your teammates with bottles of water in the Nuggets case, or in most circumstances wasting hundreds of dollars on fancy champagne as you drench lockers, lights, and camera crews after the big win.

Like I said, it confuses the heck out of me as to why sports teams do this. I wouldn’t want to walk around all sticky for the rest of the afternoon and I can’t imagine the dollar amount for the damage caused by the moisture merriment. It’s a strange ritual in my opinion and although dumbfounded when I see it happen, deep down the Super Bowl champ inside me wants to be a part of it all!

I want to be a part of this ridiculous jubilee where I get to soak everyone and everything around me! I want to make a mess.

My sports days are behind me so it’s highly doubtful that winning some sort of athletic contest will lead me to this kind of celebration. So here’s my question: why is this only reserved for professional sports players? Why can’t we adopt this type of celebration in our everyday life?

Who’s with me? You don’t have to be a superstar in a locker room somewhere to have this much fun.

Your kid comes home with straight A’s - I say you surprise him with a blast in the face with a bottle of Hawaiian Punch! Your husband gets a big promotion at work - how about an Arbor Mist bath right there in the kitchen?!

Exciting right?

Or maybe you just saved 50 bucks at the grocery store by clipping coupons …girl it’s time to party! Gather the family around the living room for a juice box shower.

These pressure-washing parties should always be an option when celebrating milestones in our mundane lives - not just for these millionaire sports personalities. I guarantee your grandma is gonna love the purple Gatorade drenching on her 80th, and your sister who just announced she’s going Vegan better get ready for an almond milk enema because it’s time to let the liquid flow!

Honestly, do you ever see these sports dudes frowning when the Veuve Clicquot sprinklers start firing off? Nope, they always have a big cheesy smile plastered on their face and I want YOU to be smiling too. Join me won’t you, in embracing this idea. Grab a poncho and some Pommery - let’s warm up those wrists - shake that baby up and have a bubbly blowout right there at the DMV because they FINALLY called your number!

You in? Let’s get goofy.